PPC MST Four/Interlude: Strobe
Dec. 3rd, 2012 12:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
astra_aurora----
The PPC’s theatre was empty, excepting the young, pseudo-redheaded woman in the first row. Like almost everyone in the PPC, she wore black, but unlike everyone in the PPC, she wore no flash patch.
The door opened, and Grace entered, looking around as she came in. Upon spotting the young woman, she froze, eyes wide.
The young woman, who was reading a book and listening to music, didn’t hear the door. She turned a page, humming absent-mindedly.
Grace stepped forward, pointed at the woman and shouted, “YOU!”
The young woman pulled her headphones off and turned. Seeing Grace, she smiled. “Oh, hey!”
“You bitch,” Grace snarled.
The young woman clapped. “You managed to swear! Oh, I’m so proud!”
“Shut the fuck up! How dare you just walk in here like nothing’s wrong?” Grace snapped.
The young woman shrugged. “Mainly because I didn’t have another option.”
“Wait, what?”
“It’s a long story.”
“What are you doing here? Couldn’t you just leave us alone? You’ve done enough damage as it is!”
“I know. I’m not here by choice. But now that I am, I suppose I want to… well, make amends, as it were.”
Grace let out a bark of a laugh. “Make amends? After everything you’ve done, you think you can just snap your fingers and we’ll forgive you?”
“No,” the young woman conceded. “But I can at least apologise. And try to fix things as best as I can.”
“Whatever.” Grace flipped a hand dismissively.
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry,” the young woman said sincerely. “I’ve left you hanging, screwed you over and been a terrible author. But I want to make it better.”
“You’re just so pious, aren’t you?” Grace sneered. “Self-righteous types like you make me sick.”
Before the other could respond, the door opened, admitting Ally. Ally looked from one woman to the other and frowned. “Hey, Grace. Who’s that?”
“This is Astral Void, Ally. Our author,” Grace said quietly.
“Hi, Ally,” Astral Void said with an embarrassed smile.
Ally went very still, staring at her author with a stone-cold glare. With a swift movement, she pulled a knife from her belt and threw it at her author’s head. Astral Void’s eyes widened, and she threw herself to the floor, the knife missing her by a few seconds. Ally ran toward her author, pulling her axe free and holding it above her head.
Astral Void got to her feet, saw the oncoming danger and fled to the far wall, pressing herself against it. Ally slowed as she approached her author, taking one slow step at a time and swinging the axe around her.
Astral Void managed to find her tongue and spoke. “I don’t think you want to do that.”
“Don’t I?” Ally asked, holding the axe before her and examining the blade. “You wrote me into a death camp, and then into the Games. You had me used and thrown away by a fucking Stu. You wrote bad missions you had to rewrite and you barely kept me consistent. Why the fuck shouldn’t I kill you?”
“Because I’m your author,” Astral Void replied, voice steady. “If you kill me, then you know what happens? You freeze. You never move again. Your backstory never gets repaired. You never go on another mission. You never so much as move a step. Nobody cares- you’re just another agent, after all. And you will have done it to yourself, because you killed the only person who could write you.”
“That’s not true,” Ally said, a look of fury in her eye. “Sergio offered to take on Grace if you left.” She held the axe in front of Astral Void’s face.
To her credit, the author barely flinched away from the weapon. “Yes, he did. But who offered to take you? Nobody. Face it, Ally, in the PPC, insane agents are a dime a dozen. Quirky inventors aren’t, especially quirky inventors who aren’t in DoSAT. Nobody wants a psychopathic teenage cyborg.”
“I can think of a few people,” Grace commented. As Astral Void and Ally were talking, she’d walked to the first row and sat down, watching the performance.
“Apart from the porn industry. Rule 34 doesn’t count.”
“I wasn’t thinking of the porn industry, though that really says a lot about you,” Grace commented dryly.
“OK, apart from the porn industry and fans of Borderlands 2.”
“Thank you.”
“Ally,” Astral Void said quietly. “I really do want to make amends. I know this sounds trite, but I am sorry for being such a terrible author. I know you can’t forgive me, but at least I can try to make things better.”
“How? You’ll just write us into a world of sunshine and rainbows?” Ally said sarcastically.
“No. I’ll make up for my mistakes one step at a time.”
Ally thought about it for a moment, and finally let the axe drop, setting it down on a chair. “Fine. But don’t fucking expect me to be nice to you.”
“I don’t.”
“Good,” Fix commented from the door. “Because we won’t.”
Carver stepped out from behind him, a glowing ball of red light in her hand. “Au revoir, bitch.”
Grace screamed “Wait, don’t!” but Carver had already thrown the ball toward her author.
Ally yanked Astral away from the wall and tackled her, sending them both crashing to the floor. The spell hit the wall behind them and ignited, flames rushing across the wall’s surface in seconds. The flames burned brightly, going out in a few seconds, but leaving behind a charred, marred surface.
“That really wasn’t necessary,” Grace said quietly.
“Not NECESSARY? At least you two got solid characterisations! She’s rewritten us, what, twice and she still hasn’t got us figured out! Do you know what it’s like to wake up and not know who you are?”
Grace coughed.
Carver blushed. “Oh, goodness… I’m sorry, that was such a poor choice of words.”
“Mmmph,” Astral Void commented from under Ally.
Ally rolled to the side and let Astral Void get up.
“You’re right. I have been terrible to you, and I really can’t apologise enough. I’m a terrible author, and you both deserve better. That being said, I have been thinking about your characterisation, and I’ve got some ideas about your character,” Astral Void said quietly. “If you want, I could tell you them now and let you mull it over.”
“Yes. Tell me,” the Carver ordered. “And then I’ll decide whether or not to forgive you- or let you live.”
“All right. Despite being over a hundred years old, you’ve maintained the appearance and mannerisms of your childhood as best as you can. You try to be a proper lady, despite the fact that proper ladies don’t carve spells into their skin or go out hunting Sues, but really, fuck that. You keep to yourself, not being one to go out much, and you don’t like being around large numbers of people. You prefer to stay in your RC, where you read, play the piano, do woodworking, practice with your knives, and talk to your canary. How does that sound?”
The Carver stared in shock, unable to speak.
“Carver?” Fix asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.
A single tear ran down the Carver’s face as she fought to speak. Finally, she nodded, and asked softly, “I have a canary?”
Astral Void nodded. “Lake was way too Sueish, so you get a canary. Just an ordinary canary. You can decide the details.”
The Carver sat down in the nearest chair with a thump. “I… I think I would want him to be fairly young.”
Astral Void nodded. “Say, a year old?”
“Yes. Yes, that will do quite well, thank you,” Carver said, sniffing. “Just a plain, ordinary, yellow canary.”
“Of course,” Astral Void said. “What do you want to call him?”
The Carver thought about it. “Gerald?”
“Sounds lovely,” Grace said warmly.
“Thank you, dear,” the Carver replied, smoothing her dress down with one hand. “Astral Void?”
“Call me Astral,” Astral said. “Sure, sounds great. Anything else you want to change?”
“My appearance,” the Carver said softly. “I cannot say that I ever truly liked this visage- not to insult your prowess, my dear, but I cannot claim to adore it.”
Astral shrugged. “Hey, you’re the one who has to live with it, so it’s fine by me if you want to change it. What do you want to look like?”
“I would prefer black hair and green eyes,” the Carver said. “Otherwise, I am fine with my appearance.”
Astral shrugged. “OK, then. Your hair remains the same except for its colour, which is now black, and your eyes are now green.” She rummaged through her backpack, pulled out a notepad and pen, and began writing busily. After a minute, she nodded. "Done."
In an instant, the Carver’s appearance changed, matching her words.
“Nice,” Grace approved.
“Looks good,” Ally agreed.
“It suits you,” Fix added. "But how the fuck does that work?"
Astral shrugged. "No idea, honestly. I guess it just works on the principle that I'm your author, and you're my characters. Speaking of that, is there anything you want to change?”
They thought about it.
Fix looked up. “I need revising. All of me. Especially that stupid parasite thing.”
“I’ll work on it when I get home,” Astral promised him.
“I’m good,” Ally said finally. “Unbelievably, I know, but I’m good. I may be fucked up, but this is me, and I don’t want to change it.”
Grace shrugged.
“Astral,” Fix asked thoughtfully, “what are you doing here?”
“As cliché as it sounds, I fell through a plothole in the back of my wardrobe,” Astral said ruefully. “I ended up in the Cafeteria. One of the agents- I never did catch his name- took me to the SO, and he told me to go find one of you so you’d send me home.”
“And here we are,” Ally said.
“And here we are,” Astral agreed.
“Since we’re all here, I suppose we should get this MST done,” Grace said reluctantly. “Even though I really don’t want to.”
“I’ll help,” Astral offered. “If you can send me home, I’ll be happy to help.”
“We’ll portal you back,” Ally agreed. “But only once we’re done.”
“Agreed.”
They shook hands.
“Who’s going to operate the projector?” Ally asked.
“No idea,” Grace replied. “Any volunteers?”
Fix shrugged and nodded. “I’ll do it, I guess.”
“Thanks, Fix,” Ally said, and Grace echoed her.
Fix headed up the stairs, and the MSTers settled down in the front row.
And then… the world changed.
(SCENE: The PPC MST Theatre. Agents ALLY, GRACE and the CARVER sit in the front row, joined by an unfamiliar young woman. She is a Caucasian female with dyed-red hair that is gradually reverting back to its natural blonde, and blue-green eyes. She is wearing a black shirt and black pants, and has a black backpack near her feet.)
GRACE: We already knew all of that.
ALLY: Just call her Astral already, God.
ASTRAL: Wait. How did we just switch to script form? And how can you guys see what it’s saying?
GRACE: It’s just an MST, you really should just relax.
ASTRAL: But-
(The projector comes to life. Fix leans out and calls out to his friends.)
FIX: Ready?
ALLY: Yep.
ASTRAL: When you are.
CARVER: I am ready.
GRACE: Good to go.
(FIX leans back inside.)
GRACE: Hello, and welcome to Mystery Science Theatre! Here with me today are Ally Malet, the Carver, and our special guest, Astral Void!
ASTRAL: Yo.
ALLY: …seriously?
ASTRAL: What?
ALLY: Never mind.
GRACE: Anyway, we’re going to be sporking some terrible, terrible porn, so without further ado…
(A countdown appears: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…)
ALL: We’ve got bullshit sign!
Imogen wanted to lose her virginity,
ASTRAL: NO! NO! NO! Nooooooooo! *puts her head in her hands and sobs*
ALLY and the CARVER: …?
GRACE: She’s thinking of Imogen Heap. *pats Astral on the back sympathetically*
ALLY: Who?
GRACE: I played you a few of her songs, remember? *sings* Oh, why’d you have to be so cute? It’s impossible to ignore you…
ALLY: Oh! Her! OH! *grimaces*
CARVER: …right.
so she took her boyfriend, Louis, hiking.
GRACE: What?
ASTRAL: Hiking?
ALLY: She wanted to get laid, so she took her boyfriend… hiking.
CARVER: Instead of just seducing her paramour?
ASTRAL: Christ, what happened to logic?
GRACE: In a Three-Ring Binder story? You’re asking a bit much, Astral.
ASTRAL: Yeah, I should have known better.
ALLY: If she wants to make dinner, does she take her sister sailing?
GRACE: Probably.
They stopped at a rest house, but there was already another man there.
ASTRAL: How do you define ‘rest house’?
GRACE: Um… a house where people rest?
CARVER: Yes, but that could be all kinds of things, Grace.
ALLY: Besides, if it’s a place to rest, then why shouldn’t there be someone else there?
CARVER: Good point.
“Excuse me, but I need to lose my virginity,” Imogen said.
CARVER: At least have the grace and poise to ask his name first, you harlot!
ASTRAL: Dude… isn’t that what you have a boyfriend for?
ALLY: Is he that bad that you have to ask a complete stranger? Damn.
GRACE: Dear God, never let me get that desperate.
ALL: Amen.
The man looked up from his dinner. Imogen felt so corneous that even his baked beans smelled of semen.
ALLY: What the fuck does corneous mean?
GRACE: *pulls out dictionary* Let’s see… it means horny, but in the sense of having something that’s made of, or of a texture similar to, an actual horn.
ASTRAL: Way to fail there, story.
CARVER: Ugh! Such egregious word abuse! Disgusting!
ASTRAL: *mimes taking a shot*
ALLY: Also… if you’re so horny that baked beans smell of semen, then either you need a hospital, or those are some really nasty baked beans.
ASTRAL: *shudders* Ugh.
“Oui, of course,” he said, in French.
ASTRAL: No! You say ‘yes, of course’! That’s just stupid, throwing in a few words to make it look like you actually know the fucking language!
CARVER: And that comma!
GRACE: Welcome to our world, Astral.
ASTRAL: Also, why does the story have a guy with an actual French name who isn’t French, and this supposedly-French guy with no name?
GRACE: Ask no questions, and your head won’t explode with the answers.
He stood up. His glutes hinted at great strength.
CARVER: Glutes as in… behind?
ALLY: We think so.
GRACE: How does an arse hint at great strength?
ASTRAL: Very carefully, I assume.
GRACE: Ha. Ha. Ha.
“My scrotum is buzzing with anticipation,” said Louis, and guided Imogen’s hand to feel.
ALL: *burst into laughter*
GRACE: Buzzing!
ASTRAL: Buzzing…
ALLY: Get thee to a hospital, man!
The manual had covered this, but it was different to actually experience it.
CARVER: Manual?
ALLY: How to Fuck, Part 1?
ASTRAL: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Fucking Random, Possibly French Men In A, Quote, ‘Rest House’, Unquote, But Were Afraid To Ask?
GRACE: Insert part A in slot B. Rotate part A 100 degrees and vibrate. Take out your Allen key and attempt to screw in the screw with fifteen edges, but only for two and a half rotations.
CARVER: Did you just combine IKEA with Transformers?
ASTRAL: You know, I rather think that she did.
She slid her fingers under his slippery member, and lay her fingertips on the scrotum.
ALLY: Slippery… member?
ASTRAL: Ew!
CARVER: *testily* It is laid, not lay!
She could feel the testes humming.
GRACE: Humming… what, exactly?
ALLY: *sings* I wanna fuck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside…
GRACE: NO!
ASTRAL: *sings* I’m feelin’, lips, I’m feelin’, cherry, I’m feelin’, ripe…
GRACE: NO!
CARVER: *sings* Let’s get it on, oh, babe, let’s get it on…
GRACE: *blinks* How do you even know that?
CARVER: I lived through the 1960’s. I know the music.
“It’s like a bumblebee,” she said.
CARVER: *annoyed* Bumblebees? For the love of God, bumblebees?
ALLY: Generally, if you can feel it hum, you’re way too close, unless you’re actually qualified to work with bees.
They arranged themselves for the fuck.
CARVER: Now, I want you up against the wall, you hanging from the ceiling, and you need to bend your arm a little… yes… no, a little more… perfect!
ALLY: Left hand on blue!
Imogen lay back on the Frenchman’s sleeping bag, and he produced a bag of KY from his pack.
GRACE: A bag?
ASTRAL: It’s not fertiliser!
CARVER: Wait a moment. They are doing this in an open space where, presumably, anyone could enter in a moment?
ALLY: Looks like it.
CARVER: Oh, the humanity… *facepalms*
Louis posited his member on the fringes of her vagina
CARVER: *stands* POSITIONED! POSITED MEANS ASSUMED, YOU ILLITERATE FUCK!
ASTRAL: …who is she screaming at?
GRACE: No idea. Maybe the story. If it could hear her, which it most likely can’t. But don’t tell her that.
ASTRAL: …huh.
while the Frenchman wadded up his anus with lubricant.
ASTRAL: EW!
ALLY: Oh, that is fucking wrong…
GRACE: Gah!
CARVER: *mumbles incoherently*
Imogen moaned with impatience.
ALLY: Moan? I’d think she’d be grumbling. Normally you moan with lust or desire.
CARVER: Yes, how does one moan with impatience?
ASTRAL: *moans* With… impatience…
GRACE: You already used that joke in one of our other MSTs.
ASTRAL: *defensively* It was a good joke.
Once everything was set up, everyone penetrated everyone else at the same moment, and they fucked steadily.
ALLY: At the exact same moment? Bullshit.
ASTRAL: …how would that…
GRACE: It’s best if you don’t think about it.
Louis’s nipples stared down at her dumbly, like cow eyes.
ASTRAL: Cow eyes?
GRACE: How do nipples stare?
ALLY: What the fuck is wrong with this story?
ASTRAL: I mean, one mental image that I do not want is having cow eyes for nipples, thank you!
CARVER: I agree. Sheep eyes are so much better.
ALLY, GRACE, ASTRAL: …
CARVER: What? *smiles*
Imogen reached up and licked them accordingly.
GRACE: Accordingly? How do you accordingly lick nipples that you just compared to cow eyes?
ASTRAL: You know, normally I’d say ‘very carefully’, but I honestly have no clue.
ALLY: This isn’t sex. This is a sex scene that got written, tossed through five languages in Google Translate, and we got the result.
CARVER: It’s too coherent.
ALLY: Google can be miraculous. *nods sagely*
While they fucked, they knocked over the Frenchman’s baked beans, but he was coming at the same moment, so he didn’t care.
GRACE: Were they doing this on the table? Or was he eating on the floor?
ALLY: Could this be any more clinical?
ASTRAL: I know, right? If it wasn’t so weird, it’d just be boring as fuck.
Soon after, Louis and Imogen came as well.
ASTRAL: Oh. Oh. Oh. I am having an orgasm. Oh. Oh. Carry on, people, nothing remarkable is happening. Oh.
After they all redressed, they climbed into Colin’s sleeping bag and fell asleep for the night.
ASTRAL: My God, he’s got a name!
GRACE: Colin. Oh, how utterly French.
CARVER: Why would he have a sleeping bag that could fit three people?
ALLY: Is there even such a thing?
GRACE: I honestly have no idea.
ASTRAL: And really, nobody else is there? What is this rest house, an empty house everyone just camps in?
CARVER: Apparently so.
Imogen and Louis left the trail, having accomplished what they came for
GRACE: Yes. They went hiking so they could find and have sex with a random stranger. What a wonderful accomplishment.
but some months later, they received an e-mail from the Frenchman.
ALLY: How did he know their email address? I thought they were too busy fucking to do anything else.
It included a photo. He looked tired, and the cuffs of his shorts were stained with ejaculate, but he had finished.
ASTRAL: Oh, ew!
GRACE: Finished what, exactly? Masturbating? Eating? Climbing?
ASTRAL: Why did you climb the penis?
ALLY: Because it was there! *she and Astral high-five*
GRACE: That’s just bad.
CARVER: I do agree. However, I do note with delight that this… thing has concluded.
ALLY: It’s over? Awesome!
(The projector stops, and Fix emerges.)
As he walked back to his fellow agents, the world changed again, and the agents blinked as they found themselves back to their normal form of writing.
“That’s a bit of a relief,” Astral said, scratching her arm absently. “Thanks for helping out, Fix.”
“No problem,” Fix shrugged.
“That was horrible,” Carver moaned, fanning herself with her hand. “That story was an abomination!”
“No argument here,” Grace agreed fervently.
“Look, it’s over,” Ally said patiently. “Just go home and forget about it. Play your piano, talk to your canary, read a fuckin’ book.”
“It’s really not that important,” Fix agreed.
Carver pulled herself together. “I suppose you are right,” she said solemnly. “And that is quite a good idea, now that I consider it.”
“Well, we’re going to be doing the same thing,” Grace said. “Once we’ve sent Astral home, that is.”
“What are you going to do?” Fix asked Astral.
She blinked. “Me? Go home, clean things, write fic…”
“I mean, with us,” Fix clarified.
“Oh. Um… well. I’m not sure,” she admitted. “I don’t think I’m ready to write another mission, but I’m not going to just ditch you all. I need to do the rest of these MST’s, and I’ll write some interludes, I think. Maybe I’ll write more missions, but only when I feel like I’m really ready to.”
“Works for me,” Fix said. “But keep it consistent, and don’t fuck us up again.” He looked at the others. “What do you think?”
“Sounds all right,” Grace agreed.
“That would be acceptable,” Carver replied.
“I’m good with it,” Ally nodded.
“I really am sorry,” Astral said quietly. “I’ve been a terrible author.”
“Eh, you could be worse,” Ally shrugged. “You could have made our stories more like Celebrian or That Series.”
Everyone shuddered.
“And I do have to thank you,” Fix said. “You could have just left me in my doomed story, but you brought me here.”
Astral looked down. “Honestly, sometimes I wonder whether I did any of you any kindness at all,” she admitted.
“I think you did,” Grace said. “You invented us, you gave us backstories, you made us live. And yeah, you fucked it up, but you’re trying to fix it, and we’re happy to help- at least, I am. I prefer really living than just being a useless bit character.”
“That being said,” Ally interjected, “you’re still not completely forgiven. You may be all right for a bitch, but you’re still a bitch, and we’re all keeping an eye on you.” She folded her arms and glared.
Astral winced. “Understood.”
“We should get out of here,” Ally suggested. “I hate this theatre. It smells like Bleepka and vomit.”
“Well, that and somebody’s going to be really angry at us for scorching that wall,” Grace pointed out.
Carver winced and smiled nervously. “Er… it wasn’t me?”
“Nice try,” Ally replied. “The wall looks like it hasn’t been really damaged, but still.”
“Well, all right, why don’t we all head off? There really isn’t any reason to stick around here, is there?” Fix asked.
“Nope,” Astral agreed.
“In that case,” Grace said, pulling out her Remote Activator, “we may as well send you home.”
The portal opened, and Astral looked around at her characters. “I… wow. I never thought I’d meet you guys, but I have to admit, I’m glad I did.”
“I’m glad I met you, too,” Grace admitted. “I finally got to know what you’re like, instead of just being this faceless… well, bitch, who made my life hell for her own amusement.”
“That pretty much sums it up,” Ally agreed. “I guess I’m glad I met you, too.”
“And me,” Carver said.
Fix nodded.
Astral exhaled. “Well, I guess I’d better get going, then.”
“Email me,” Grace invited. “You know the address.”
“Good luck with the interludes,” Carver said.
“Take care,” Ally called.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Fix added.
Astral smiled. “I’ll see you later, I guess.” With that, she walked through the portal.
Grace closed it behind her. “Well. We met our author.”
“Yes, and I managed to keep a straight face,” Ally said wryly.
“She wasn’t that bad,” Carver said defensively. “She revised me.”
“I’ll give her that,” Ally said. “But God, she’s so… ugh.”
“Nice?” Fix suggested. “Apologetic? Decent? Honest?”
“Yeah. That.” Ally said, grimacing.
“Fucking unbearable,” Fix agreed. “The nice ones are always the worst.”
“You wanna go get a drink?” Ally suggested. “I heard that Rudigore’s got some new booze in.”
“Sounds good,” Fix replied. “I’ll see you back at the RC, Carver.”
“What he said,” Ally said to Grace, who rolled her eyes and nodded.
As the pair left, Grace turned to Carver. “Well, if they’re going to be gone for a while, why don’t we go back to your RC and meet your canary?”
Carver grinned, her face lighting up. “Oh! That’s a very good idea!”
The pair walked up and out of the theatre, discussing the new pet, and left, leaving the theatre empty. The door swung shut behind them as they stepped outside, and somehow, everything felt new and refreshed, like a new day was dawning.
----
AV: Hey, everyone. I'm back, as you can see. This interlude/MST took a hell of a long time to write, but I'm glad I managed to finish it, because I felt like I owed it to my characters. I'm really not as good a writer as I thought I was, and I probably screwed this up like hell, which is why I'm going to be sticking to interludes and MST's for now. If you're wondering why this one's called 'Strobe' when the other MSTs had long names, it's because 'Strobe' inspired me enough to actually write the damn thing, and I've been listening to it all day. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. \m/
