Fifty Shades of Fail: Chapter Sixteen
Aug. 18th, 2012 10:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
astra_auroraHello again! Sorry about the wait- my weeks are being eaten alive. Hope you all enjoyed the Very Special Episode!
Warning: this chapter has rape in it. It's fucking disgusting and you all need to be careful, mmmkay?
OK, here we go!
Ana wakes up. Grey is hot. This we all know. She puts her hand on his chest, and he doesn't like it.
"Why don't you like to be touched?" I whisper, staring up into soft grey eyes.
"Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia."
Oh, fucking seriously? That's not clever, it's not funny and it's just stupid. As puns go, it's not even noteworthy. At no point in the book has anyone made any jokes about the name Grey. Coming out with a stupid little pun like this doesn't make Grey anything other than a prick- and he was already that.
Grey says that he had a tough introduction to life and he doesn't want to burden her with the details, so she shouldn't ask. Fair enough.
"I think that's all the very basics covered. How was that?"
He looks thoroughly pleased with himself and sounds very matter-of-fact at the same time, like he's just marked off another item on a checklist.
OK... that freaks me out. Ana is his freaking partner, if he views sex with her as something on a checklist, then this shit's bad. (Sorry, my eloquence-fu is weak today.)
Ana really wants to know more about his tragic past, but he won't tell her and she's frustrated. Look, I can understand that, but here's the thing: when someone says 'I don't want to tell you this/the details, so please don't ask me', you don't fucking try to find out what happened unless it's really, really fucking important- which it isn't in this case! Ana, if you want to be a decent partner, for fuck's sake, respect his wishes!
He gets Ana to tell him about the dream she had where he was thwacking her with a riding crop and then asks when her period's due, because contraception will be needed. They arrange that the doctor will meet her at Grey's house on Sunday, and then Grey starts to leave.
And then we get this:
"That's more like it. But I think you've had too much to drink."
"Did you get me tipsy on purpose?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because you overthink everything, and you're reticent like your stepdad. A drop of wine in you and you start talking, and I need you to communicate honestly with me.Otherwise you clam up, and I have no idea what you're thinking. In vino veritas, Anastasia."
Oh, fucking hell.
For the record, 'reticent' means that one doesn't reveal one's thoughts or feelings easily. JSYK.
Overthinking may be irritating, but when it comes to finding errors, it's bloody good. Drunk talking is not honest talking. If you want her to be honest, find a medium to communicate with her wherein she feels comfortable.
And honestly, saying 'In vino veritas' (in wine, the truth) makes me want to stab him. BECAUSE IT'S WRONG.
Look. When I got smashed with my best friend and her boyfriend, we did not have a merry round of True Confessions. We watched Breaking Dawn, reviewed it (drunkenly) and she and I ended up getting shirtless. Giving someone booze doesn't mean that they'll be honest. It means they'll be bloody stupid.
I mean, seriously, imagine if it went like this:
Grey: Now, Anastasia, how do you feel about ice-play double-penetration bukkake? (Astra: If you don't know what any of those are, be very careful with your online searches.)
Ana: God, that's so... so... what's that word? Kinky! That's so goddamn kinky, you know? And, like, why would you even do that? What the fuck happened to you anyway, Christian? Why are you such a fucking prick all the time? *sways and falls off her chair*
That's more likely.
Anyway, Grey says that he'll have the revised contract ready for her on Sunday, and they crack some jokes about how if Ana prolongs the wait for her to sign, Grey will crack under the strain.
"Crack? How?" My inner goddess has woken and is paying attention.
He nods slowly, and then he grins, teasing. "Could get really ugly."
His grin is infectious.
"Ugly, how?"
"Oh, you know, explosions, car chases, kidnapping, incarceration."
Been done. Not in the same context, but still, been done.
To be fair, I like the joke- 'My blue balls will get so bad that we'll be starring in a James Bond movie!' but at the same time, given that Grey is pretty much a rapist and Ana's a fuckwit, this isn't good.
Anyway, Ana rolls her eyes at him, and remember how Grey said he'd spank her if she rolled her eyes at him again? Yeah. Spanking is about to ensue... except that Ana doesn't want to do it.
This is it; our relationship hangs in the balance, right here, right now.
If that was a Fatboy Slim quote, I'm going to find my Gun of Proper References and fucking shoot you, bitch.
Do I let him do this or do I say no, and then that's it? Because I know it will be over if I say no.
WHY? Why the fuck would it be over? You don't want him to spank you, big fucking deal. Agree on another form of discipline! Do you have any idea how unhealthy your relationship is when you don't want to do something but you do it because you're convinced that he'll leave you if you don't? And seriously, with everything Grey's done for you, do you really think that he'd up and leave because you don't want to be spanked?
Jesus fucking Christ!
Grey spanks her. Ana is not in the least turned on- in fact, she continually talks about how much it hurts. This entire scene sickens me.
And then there's this. I mean, what?
My body is singing, singing from his merciless assault.
Singing, huh? I wonder what? This? Or this? Perhaps this? Or maybe this? Or even this? Maybe this? And this? Or this one?
(Sorry for the link spam- I just kept finding songs that could have fit.)
And then he rapes her. He leaves her no room to say no, and when you add in descriptions like the following, it's pretty clear to me that he raped her.
My senses are ravaged, disconnected, solely concentrated on what he's doing to me. How he's making me feel that familiar deep pull in my belly, tightening, quickening. NO... and my traitorous body explodes in an intense, body-shattering orgasm.
Hey, Eyes, we're going to need more thermite. Or a cement truck full of explosives.
I want to kill him. I seriously want to STAB THE FUCKING FUCKER IN THE FUCKING FACE THAT SON OF A FUCKING BITCH IS *head explodes*
*five hours of recovery, headhunting and supergluing later*
Bloody hell, that hurt. I'm feeling calmer now, so I think I can keep going.
Why the hell would anyone find this hot? Especially the thousands of fans this fucking piece of shit called a book has?
Ana can't look at him. At all. Wow, she's not acting like a rape victim or anything.
Anyway, she finally decides to call her mother. Since she can't say what actually happened, Ana tells her that she's in love with a guy who's very different from her, so she doesn't know if they should be together. When she tells her mother that she's known him for about three weeks, her mum tells her to take it easy and keep him at arm's length until she can decide whether or not he's worthy of her. Good advice, but unfortunately, it's far too late for that- and Ana agrees with me.
Wow... it's unnerving when my mother is so insightful, but she's just too late on this. Is he worthy of me? That's an interesting concept. I always wonder if I am worthy of him.
Is he worthy of you? God, no. Are you worthy of him? God, no. There you go.
Ana's mum offers to let her come stay with her. Ana considers it. She's got those job interviews, so it wouldn't be immediate, but it's possible. She hangs up and Kate turns up. Kate gets mad when Ana says Grey made her sad and tells Ana to ditch him. There's bullshit and talking and then we get some emails. They argue a bit because Grey's a dick, and Ana tells him that she doesn't like him because he never stays with her. Fair point, but here's the thing:
He works. He runs a mega corporation. He has shit he has to do. Remember that weird thing called work?
Ana gets very, very depressed and gets interrupted by Kate screaming at Grey that he's a dick and he can't go in there. Grey barges in and Kate asks if Ana wants her to throw him out. Ana says no, but good job, Kate. Now go back to being a bad friend.
Ana and Grey talk, and I'm too tired to write it all out. Basically: Ana is upset and distressed. Grey doesn't have a clue what he did to make her so and justifies it with 'This is how I'm made, this is all that I can be'. He's a prick.
Grey finally agrees to talk in emails instead, and then they get into bed and sleep.
That was Chapter Sixteen, and somehow it managed to be worse than Chapter Ten. I hate this goddamn book so fucking much.
Warning: this chapter has rape in it. It's fucking disgusting and you all need to be careful, mmmkay?
OK, here we go!
Ana wakes up. Grey is hot. This we all know. She puts her hand on his chest, and he doesn't like it.
"Why don't you like to be touched?" I whisper, staring up into soft grey eyes.
"Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia."
Oh, fucking seriously? That's not clever, it's not funny and it's just stupid. As puns go, it's not even noteworthy. At no point in the book has anyone made any jokes about the name Grey. Coming out with a stupid little pun like this doesn't make Grey anything other than a prick- and he was already that.
Grey says that he had a tough introduction to life and he doesn't want to burden her with the details, so she shouldn't ask. Fair enough.
"I think that's all the very basics covered. How was that?"
He looks thoroughly pleased with himself and sounds very matter-of-fact at the same time, like he's just marked off another item on a checklist.
OK... that freaks me out. Ana is his freaking partner, if he views sex with her as something on a checklist, then this shit's bad. (Sorry, my eloquence-fu is weak today.)
Ana really wants to know more about his tragic past, but he won't tell her and she's frustrated. Look, I can understand that, but here's the thing: when someone says 'I don't want to tell you this/the details, so please don't ask me', you don't fucking try to find out what happened unless it's really, really fucking important- which it isn't in this case! Ana, if you want to be a decent partner, for fuck's sake, respect his wishes!
He gets Ana to tell him about the dream she had where he was thwacking her with a riding crop and then asks when her period's due, because contraception will be needed. They arrange that the doctor will meet her at Grey's house on Sunday, and then Grey starts to leave.
And then we get this:
"That's more like it. But I think you've had too much to drink."
"Did you get me tipsy on purpose?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because you overthink everything, and you're reticent like your stepdad. A drop of wine in you and you start talking, and I need you to communicate honestly with me.Otherwise you clam up, and I have no idea what you're thinking. In vino veritas, Anastasia."
Oh, fucking hell.
For the record, 'reticent' means that one doesn't reveal one's thoughts or feelings easily. JSYK.
Overthinking may be irritating, but when it comes to finding errors, it's bloody good. Drunk talking is not honest talking. If you want her to be honest, find a medium to communicate with her wherein she feels comfortable.
And honestly, saying 'In vino veritas' (in wine, the truth) makes me want to stab him. BECAUSE IT'S WRONG.
Look. When I got smashed with my best friend and her boyfriend, we did not have a merry round of True Confessions. We watched Breaking Dawn, reviewed it (drunkenly) and she and I ended up getting shirtless. Giving someone booze doesn't mean that they'll be honest. It means they'll be bloody stupid.
I mean, seriously, imagine if it went like this:
Grey: Now, Anastasia, how do you feel about ice-play double-penetration bukkake? (Astra: If you don't know what any of those are, be very careful with your online searches.)
Ana: God, that's so... so... what's that word? Kinky! That's so goddamn kinky, you know? And, like, why would you even do that? What the fuck happened to you anyway, Christian? Why are you such a fucking prick all the time? *sways and falls off her chair*
That's more likely.
Anyway, Grey says that he'll have the revised contract ready for her on Sunday, and they crack some jokes about how if Ana prolongs the wait for her to sign, Grey will crack under the strain.
"Crack? How?" My inner goddess has woken and is paying attention.
He nods slowly, and then he grins, teasing. "Could get really ugly."
His grin is infectious.
"Ugly, how?"
"Oh, you know, explosions, car chases, kidnapping, incarceration."
Been done. Not in the same context, but still, been done.
To be fair, I like the joke- 'My blue balls will get so bad that we'll be starring in a James Bond movie!' but at the same time, given that Grey is pretty much a rapist and Ana's a fuckwit, this isn't good.
Anyway, Ana rolls her eyes at him, and remember how Grey said he'd spank her if she rolled her eyes at him again? Yeah. Spanking is about to ensue... except that Ana doesn't want to do it.
This is it; our relationship hangs in the balance, right here, right now.
If that was a Fatboy Slim quote, I'm going to find my Gun of Proper References and fucking shoot you, bitch.
Do I let him do this or do I say no, and then that's it? Because I know it will be over if I say no.
WHY? Why the fuck would it be over? You don't want him to spank you, big fucking deal. Agree on another form of discipline! Do you have any idea how unhealthy your relationship is when you don't want to do something but you do it because you're convinced that he'll leave you if you don't? And seriously, with everything Grey's done for you, do you really think that he'd up and leave because you don't want to be spanked?
Jesus fucking Christ!
Grey spanks her. Ana is not in the least turned on- in fact, she continually talks about how much it hurts. This entire scene sickens me.
And then there's this. I mean, what?
My body is singing, singing from his merciless assault.
Singing, huh? I wonder what? This? Or this? Perhaps this? Or maybe this? Or even this? Maybe this? And this? Or this one?
(Sorry for the link spam- I just kept finding songs that could have fit.)
And then he rapes her. He leaves her no room to say no, and when you add in descriptions like the following, it's pretty clear to me that he raped her.
My senses are ravaged, disconnected, solely concentrated on what he's doing to me. How he's making me feel that familiar deep pull in my belly, tightening, quickening. NO... and my traitorous body explodes in an intense, body-shattering orgasm.
Hey, Eyes, we're going to need more thermite. Or a cement truck full of explosives.
I want to kill him. I seriously want to STAB THE FUCKING FUCKER IN THE FUCKING FACE THAT SON OF A FUCKING BITCH IS *head explodes*
*five hours of recovery, headhunting and supergluing later*
Bloody hell, that hurt. I'm feeling calmer now, so I think I can keep going.
Why the hell would anyone find this hot? Especially the thousands of fans this fucking piece of shit called a book has?
Ana can't look at him. At all. Wow, she's not acting like a rape victim or anything.
Anyway, she finally decides to call her mother. Since she can't say what actually happened, Ana tells her that she's in love with a guy who's very different from her, so she doesn't know if they should be together. When she tells her mother that she's known him for about three weeks, her mum tells her to take it easy and keep him at arm's length until she can decide whether or not he's worthy of her. Good advice, but unfortunately, it's far too late for that- and Ana agrees with me.
Wow... it's unnerving when my mother is so insightful, but she's just too late on this. Is he worthy of me? That's an interesting concept. I always wonder if I am worthy of him.
Is he worthy of you? God, no. Are you worthy of him? God, no. There you go.
Ana's mum offers to let her come stay with her. Ana considers it. She's got those job interviews, so it wouldn't be immediate, but it's possible. She hangs up and Kate turns up. Kate gets mad when Ana says Grey made her sad and tells Ana to ditch him. There's bullshit and talking and then we get some emails. They argue a bit because Grey's a dick, and Ana tells him that she doesn't like him because he never stays with her. Fair point, but here's the thing:
He works. He runs a mega corporation. He has shit he has to do. Remember that weird thing called work?
Ana gets very, very depressed and gets interrupted by Kate screaming at Grey that he's a dick and he can't go in there. Grey barges in and Kate asks if Ana wants her to throw him out. Ana says no, but good job, Kate. Now go back to being a bad friend.
Ana and Grey talk, and I'm too tired to write it all out. Basically: Ana is upset and distressed. Grey doesn't have a clue what he did to make her so and justifies it with 'This is how I'm made, this is all that I can be'. He's a prick.
Grey finally agrees to talk in emails instead, and then they get into bed and sleep.
That was Chapter Sixteen, and somehow it managed to be worse than Chapter Ten. I hate this goddamn book so fucking much.
