astra_aurora | Fifty Shades of Fail: Chapter Four

Here goes nothing. *sigh*

Ana and Grey stare at each other passionately. Somehow, Grey has a 'hooded gaze' that makes me momentarily think he's a falcon or something.

Don't give James any ideas, self.

He tells her to back off 'cause he'd only be bad for her. Ana thinks he's telling her that he isn't interested and pretending that he's concerned for her. This makes her sad. He wishes her good luck on her exams and she leaves and ends up crying. This, you see, is because it's the first time she's ever been romantically rejected. To be fair, rejection really does suck, especially if you think you've met someone perfect for you. Anyway, Ana's subconscious, who basically is like a little person living in her head, orders her to get up and go. With Milo!

Sorry, I forgot that the likelihood of anyone else knowing that is nil.

Anyway, Ana gets home and she and Kate talk about what happened. Kate gives her the standard 'No, you're gorgeous, you really are!' speech, bulk-billed to all supporting characters and female best friends.

OK, can I make something clear? A couple of things, actually. First: If you want to make people feel comfortable in their own skin by giving them not-so-pretty heroes to worship, don't make these heroes pretty people who just don't realise it. Not only are you destroying your own point, you're not helping. Most people want to be judged on their own merits, not on their attractiveness.

Point two: While I realise that they're only trying to help, these speeches... often don't. I can only speak as to my own experience, but as someone with crippling insecurity issues, being told that I'm gorgeous only makes me feel worse because I can't see myself as gorgeous and I promptly proceed to blame myself for being unable to agree with the idea that I am. (No, reason doesn't live here, why do you ask?)

Anyway, back to the shite.

Ana briefly wonders if Grey is celibate or something before having a weird dream. As someone with myriad weird dreams, I empathise. Anyway, cut to her exams. She's just finished the last one, and when she and Kate get home, they find a package to Ana, obviously from Grey. Inside the box is a first edition set of Tess of the D'Urbervilles, accompanied by a quote from the book: "Why didn't you tell me there was danger? Why didn't you warn me? Ladies know what to guard against, because they read novels that tell them of these tricks..." Ana correctly gets that Grey is warning her off and providing evidence in the form of a really fucking depressing novel about a similar situation, but this is where he fails.

See, this present? 15,000 US dollars. As well-intentioned as it obviously was, you don't give people presents that put them in debt to you if you're trying to warn them off. Just send her the note with the quote- she knows it, she'll get the point. Fucking idiot.

Anyway, at a bar, Ana gets really hammered with the aid of Jose. Once they graduate, she tells him, she and Kate are moving to Seattle. Ana, being drunk, decides to call Grey and ask him why he sent her the books. He ignores her question and demands to know how she's getting home and where she is.

OK, fuck this. Ana has friends, and Grey has seen this. It is not unthinkable that when a group of college graduates go drinking, one or more of them has a plan in place to get them all home, even if they're hammered. I actually agree with Ana in this bit- Grey is a control freak. Either that or his 'mine, mine, mine!' impulses have come up again.

Ana steps outside for some air, being a lightweight and feeling nauseous. I can sympathise, both as a lightweight and one who spent hours when drunk feeling dizzy if she moved. Jose comes out, asks her if she needs help and forces himself on her, kissing her while she frantically tries to shove him off. OK, booze or no booze, this is NOT OK. There is only so far that you can go with the 'I was drunk, it wasn't my fault' excuse. You were tipsy and you nearly fell down the stairs, took your shirt off and made lewd comments about your ex-boyfriend? Sure. Sexually assaulting someone? Never OK, booze or no booze.

Christian mildly scolds her for getting so pissed. While I can agree with the sentiment (i.e. 'Mate, you really need to know when to stop'), I agree considerably more with Ana's response. She's pretty pissed off with the way he says it, but she can't manage to say it, only admitting that she's never been drunk before. Fair enough. What isn't fair enough is that her friends let her wander around being drunk and aimless. Mine didn't. Hell, mine didn't let me leave the room until I demonstrated that I was sober enough to walk in a straight line and not fall down two flights of stairs on the way to the bathroom.

Grey says that he'll take her home, and his brother, Elliot (who's talking to Kate at that moment) can tell her. Also, he tracked Ana's cell phone.

You fucker.

OK. Tracking phones is very fucking illegal, unless it's in the process of your work and you happen to be a part of those fine forces devoted to making our countries safer. It gets worse, though- Grey barely knows Ana, and yet he's tracking her by phone. This just gets worse and worse.

Ana doesn't have a problem with it, but to be fair, she is drunk, and I'll admit to thinking some bad shit when I was drunk (mostly 'Let's see if I can drink the entire glass before they get back!'). However, given what kind of book this is, we all know she won't wise up later.

Grey takes her back inside because Ana insists that she has to tell Kate herself. Fair enough. What isn't good is Grey's response. He acts like it's such a bother for Ana to reassure her friend that she isn't being kidnapped.

Also, if I were Kate, I would not let her go anywhere with Grey while drunk. Ana's a naive idiot, and Grey's fucking crazy.

Grey forces her to drink a glass of water (I can see why he'd want her to, but that doesn't make him any less of a fucker) and takes her through the dance floor to where Kate is hitting on Grey's brother. Ana's horrified that she's being so... well... I suppose the word Ana would use is 'slutty'. I... OK. I can understand Ana being appalled that Kate's happy to fuck a guy she just met without any regard for pregnancy or disease or anything. But the thing is, Ana's not worried about the repercussions. Ana's just shocked that her friend could be so slutty. God, does anyone in this book know how to be a decent friend?

Grey tries taking her out of the club, and she collapses on the dance floor. Le gasp!

And thus ends chapter four.