Fifty Shades of Fail: Chapter Three
Jul. 7th, 2012 01:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
astra_auroraI am so, so sorry about the wait. I went to Melbourne, things got hectic... yeah. Sorry. I'll try do another chapter tomorrow.
OK. As you might recall, last chapter finished with Grey being his usual stalkerish self, showing up at Ana's workplace. This chapter starts with Ana calling Kate to talk about it. Kate thinks Grey showed up specifically to talk to Ana, an idea that makes Ana's heart leap and little birdies sing, until she rains on her own parade by explaining that it was just a side trip on a business call. Kate knows that Grey gave the department involved a 2.5 million grant, which surprises Ana. Kate points out that, y'know, she's a freaking journalist who wrote a profile on the guy; of course she'd know what he was doing.
Jesus Christ, Ana.
Anyway, Ana tells Kate that she's got Grey's phone number, so she can contact him and get those photos set up. Kate basically squees over the idea and does the adult equivalent of 'He likes you, he likes you, he really really likes you!!!!!'
But even as I say the words, I know they're not true- Christian Grey doesn't do nice.
Yes, people, our POVC is telepathic. See, Grey, so far, hasn't been anything except polite. Maybe he's been a little standoffish, a tad overbearing, but nothing warranting a complaint. Excepting the sexual harassment last chapter, of course.
Ana's kinda happy about it too, a sentiment that I can completely understand (as can anyone else who's ever been completely desperate and suddenly given the idea that their crush might like them). Unfortunately... there is a problem!
Can I get another shocked gasp, please?
Their regular photographer is at home for the weekend. Who can they get? Well, it must be... a named member of the cast, of course! Kate orders Ana to call Jose and then Grey.
OK. Houston, we have a serious problem.
See, WSU's newspaper is called The Daily Evergreen. I had a look online, and while I couldn't find anything that told me how many photographers they had, the fact that they have at least one photo editor tells me that they've probably got a few.
Meet Lack of Research. He'll be hitting you over the head pretty often now.
Paul comes in and tells Ana that she needs to get back to work. He asks her how she knows Grey, and then he asks her out. Ana's narration explains that whenever Paul's home, he asks her out, and she always says no. Part of it's that she doesn't think dating the boss's brother is a good idea (a valid point) and then... this.
Paul is cute in a wholesome All-American-boy-next-door kind of way, but he's no literary hero, not by any stretch of the imagination.
Ana... screw you.
Seriously. Not only do literary heroes tend to be arseholes (Heathcliff? Darcy? Almost anyone in the Belgariad?), but I really hope the author realises how many people would kill to date a decent guy like Paul. Maybe Ana can swan around with her oh-so-high standards and dream of literary heroes, but those of us in the real world take what we can get.
If she'd just said 'Paul's cute and all, but he's more like a cousin or brother to me' or 'He's cute, but I'm not interested' or 'he's cute, but I really don't want to date someone if it could get me accused of nepotism', then I'd be on board. But this bullshit, setting up the idea that Grey's the only one good enough for her... fuck it.
Ana calls Jose, who protests that he does places, not people. That's a pretty valid point- I'm no photographer, but it sounds like if someone asked me to knit them a scarf. I latch-hook. (I can't knit for peanuts). Kate gets pissed off and bullies Jose into it by threatening to not cover the opening of his show, and then bullies Ana into calling Grey, despite how nervous she is.
Kate's a fucking bitch. Just sayin'.
Ana calls Grey and sets up the photo shoot. Girl has it bad for him. Especially with those oh-so-erotic dreams.
Look, masturbation exists, Ana.
The next day, everyone goes to the hotel, sets up and waits. And then... hang on.
Kate's a journalist, not a photographer. She has no reason to be there. Ana isn't even part of the staff. Grey didn't ask her to be there. What the hell are they doing there?
Anyway, Grey arrives, Ana practically passes out at the sight of him, and introduces him to Kate and Jose. Kate is rich, powerful, beautiful and tough, Ana reminds us. Kate doesn't take crap. Kate stands up to multimillionaire CEOs on a daily basis...
And her codename was Mary Sue.
Fuck it, she's not even the POVC!
So, they do the photoshoot, and then Grey asks Ana out for coffee. Ana refuses because she has to drive them all back, and Grey offers them his driver. Ana switches cars with Kate so they don't have to use Grey's driver, and then Kate warns her that Grey seems dangerous, especially for an innocent like her.
OK, that I agree with. Innocents never last, as we all know.
They go out for coffee, and Ana gets tea. She also has a 'subconscious', which in this book means a little voice in her head that talks to her. Hmmm. I know I've read shit like that in dozens of books, but... yeah, just seems a little off.
One page of 'is X your boyfriend?' 'No' later, we finally get to some interesting conversation. Grey admits that he likes getting his own way, and Ana asks why he hasn't invited her to call him Christian.
Well, Ana, that would be because he doesn't know you. You're a casual acquaintance, not a friend.
He is a control freak, there's no other explanation-
Uh, yes there is. I just gave you one. He just gave you one. Some people don't like being called by their first name by near-strangers.
Grey asks her about her family. Her mother remarries a lot, Ana doesn't like it. She still doesn't have a first name, BTW. Ana gets annoyed at how personal the questions are getting and asks Grey about his family. His father's a lawyer, his mother's a paediatrician. His brother's in construction and his sister's learning to cook in Paris. He asks Ana if she'd like to go to Paris, but Ana really wants to go to England, because of all the literary greats who lived there. True enough, but on behalf of all the non-English literary greats out there, fuck you.
Ana leaves to study, Grey leaves with her, and she trips and nearly gets hit by a cyclist. And then... he's holding her in his arms!
OH MY!!!
(I really hope somebody gets that joke. I somehow doubt that anyone will.)
Anyway, that concludes this chapter. I'm on a horse.
OK. As you might recall, last chapter finished with Grey being his usual stalkerish self, showing up at Ana's workplace. This chapter starts with Ana calling Kate to talk about it. Kate thinks Grey showed up specifically to talk to Ana, an idea that makes Ana's heart leap and little birdies sing, until she rains on her own parade by explaining that it was just a side trip on a business call. Kate knows that Grey gave the department involved a 2.5 million grant, which surprises Ana. Kate points out that, y'know, she's a freaking journalist who wrote a profile on the guy; of course she'd know what he was doing.
Jesus Christ, Ana.
Anyway, Ana tells Kate that she's got Grey's phone number, so she can contact him and get those photos set up. Kate basically squees over the idea and does the adult equivalent of 'He likes you, he likes you, he really really likes you!!!!!'
But even as I say the words, I know they're not true- Christian Grey doesn't do nice.
Yes, people, our POVC is telepathic. See, Grey, so far, hasn't been anything except polite. Maybe he's been a little standoffish, a tad overbearing, but nothing warranting a complaint. Excepting the sexual harassment last chapter, of course.
Ana's kinda happy about it too, a sentiment that I can completely understand (as can anyone else who's ever been completely desperate and suddenly given the idea that their crush might like them). Unfortunately... there is a problem!
Can I get another shocked gasp, please?
Their regular photographer is at home for the weekend. Who can they get? Well, it must be... a named member of the cast, of course! Kate orders Ana to call Jose and then Grey.
OK. Houston, we have a serious problem.
See, WSU's newspaper is called The Daily Evergreen. I had a look online, and while I couldn't find anything that told me how many photographers they had, the fact that they have at least one photo editor tells me that they've probably got a few.
Meet Lack of Research. He'll be hitting you over the head pretty often now.
Paul comes in and tells Ana that she needs to get back to work. He asks her how she knows Grey, and then he asks her out. Ana's narration explains that whenever Paul's home, he asks her out, and she always says no. Part of it's that she doesn't think dating the boss's brother is a good idea (a valid point) and then... this.
Paul is cute in a wholesome All-American-boy-next-door kind of way, but he's no literary hero, not by any stretch of the imagination.
Ana... screw you.
Seriously. Not only do literary heroes tend to be arseholes (Heathcliff? Darcy? Almost anyone in the Belgariad?), but I really hope the author realises how many people would kill to date a decent guy like Paul. Maybe Ana can swan around with her oh-so-high standards and dream of literary heroes, but those of us in the real world take what we can get.
If she'd just said 'Paul's cute and all, but he's more like a cousin or brother to me' or 'He's cute, but I'm not interested' or 'he's cute, but I really don't want to date someone if it could get me accused of nepotism', then I'd be on board. But this bullshit, setting up the idea that Grey's the only one good enough for her... fuck it.
Ana calls Jose, who protests that he does places, not people. That's a pretty valid point- I'm no photographer, but it sounds like if someone asked me to knit them a scarf. I latch-hook. (I can't knit for peanuts). Kate gets pissed off and bullies Jose into it by threatening to not cover the opening of his show, and then bullies Ana into calling Grey, despite how nervous she is.
Kate's a fucking bitch. Just sayin'.
Ana calls Grey and sets up the photo shoot. Girl has it bad for him. Especially with those oh-so-erotic dreams.
Look, masturbation exists, Ana.
The next day, everyone goes to the hotel, sets up and waits. And then... hang on.
Kate's a journalist, not a photographer. She has no reason to be there. Ana isn't even part of the staff. Grey didn't ask her to be there. What the hell are they doing there?
Anyway, Grey arrives, Ana practically passes out at the sight of him, and introduces him to Kate and Jose. Kate is rich, powerful, beautiful and tough, Ana reminds us. Kate doesn't take crap. Kate stands up to multimillionaire CEOs on a daily basis...
And her codename was Mary Sue.
Fuck it, she's not even the POVC!
So, they do the photoshoot, and then Grey asks Ana out for coffee. Ana refuses because she has to drive them all back, and Grey offers them his driver. Ana switches cars with Kate so they don't have to use Grey's driver, and then Kate warns her that Grey seems dangerous, especially for an innocent like her.
OK, that I agree with. Innocents never last, as we all know.
They go out for coffee, and Ana gets tea. She also has a 'subconscious', which in this book means a little voice in her head that talks to her. Hmmm. I know I've read shit like that in dozens of books, but... yeah, just seems a little off.
One page of 'is X your boyfriend?' 'No' later, we finally get to some interesting conversation. Grey admits that he likes getting his own way, and Ana asks why he hasn't invited her to call him Christian.
Well, Ana, that would be because he doesn't know you. You're a casual acquaintance, not a friend.
He is a control freak, there's no other explanation-
Uh, yes there is. I just gave you one. He just gave you one. Some people don't like being called by their first name by near-strangers.
Grey asks her about her family. Her mother remarries a lot, Ana doesn't like it. She still doesn't have a first name, BTW. Ana gets annoyed at how personal the questions are getting and asks Grey about his family. His father's a lawyer, his mother's a paediatrician. His brother's in construction and his sister's learning to cook in Paris. He asks Ana if she'd like to go to Paris, but Ana really wants to go to England, because of all the literary greats who lived there. True enough, but on behalf of all the non-English literary greats out there, fuck you.
Ana leaves to study, Grey leaves with her, and she trips and nearly gets hit by a cyclist. And then... he's holding her in his arms!
OH MY!!!
(I really hope somebody gets that joke. I somehow doubt that anyone will.)
Anyway, that concludes this chapter. I'm on a horse.
