PPC Mission Three: Creator

[astra_aurora]

Disclaimer: The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia. NCIS: Los Angeles belongs to CBS and Shane Brennan. 'Just Another Name' (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7103249/5/Just_Another_Name) was written by Anthrdumblond. 'Karma' (the song used as the mission alert) was written, performed and recorded by Parkway Drive. 'Creator' was written, recorded and performed by Santigold. Agents Ally and Grace belong to me.

----

Grace carefully connected the wires. In the bedroom, Ally was sleeping peacefully. On the couch, the Thereah was eating some cabbage leaves. All was well in the RC without a number.

Grace set the machine down, wiped her forehead and frowned. It wasn’t close to finished, but she was nearly there. She picked up her glass of water-

[SHIPWRECKED BONES CARRY MY SEASICK HEART, SEASICK HEART HOME! CARRY ME HOME!]

Grace’s hand jerked, tossing the water all over the Thereah. He leapt in surprise, flying off the couch and through the cloud door.
A second later, Ally emerged, holding the Thereah by his neck and looking grumpy. “The fuck?”
“Oops?” Grace tried.
“Grace, why did a wet rabbit just get catapulted through the door and onto my foot?”
“If it helps, he jumped off the couch himself,” Grace offered. “Besides, you’re exaggerating.”
“We have a mission, don’t we?” Ally asked gloomily.
“Unfortunately,” Grace said, sighing. “I hope it’s better than last time.”
“Yeah,” Ally agreed. “I’ll go get changed, you look at the mission.” She set the Thereah down on the couch and went back into the bedroom.
When she re-emerged a few minutes later, clad in her usual pants, shirt, jacket and boots, she found Grace packing her bag. “So, what kind of fic is it?”
“Sue fic,” Grace replied without looking up. “I’ve barely heard of the fandom, though. NCIS: Los Angeles, it said.”
Ally went very, very still.
Grace looked up. “Ally?”
“I am going to kill this bitch,” Ally said tonelessly.
“Ah. I take it you know the continuum, then.”
Ally nodded.
“You have a Lust Object there?”
Ally nodded again.
Grace winced. “Well, we should probably just get it over with, then.”
She went to the console and paused. “Hang on. Where is this continuum set?”
“Modern World One,” Ally replied, sounding a little more like herself. “Los Angeles, in the summer.”
Grace nodded. “Crime, yes?”
“Crime/drama/comedy,” Ally replied.
Grace nodded again and hit several buttons, before opening a portal. Ally picked up her crowbar and followed her partner into it.

The agents emerged in a void. Despite the empty blackness around them, they could still see each other perfectly, and the ground was flat. Grace found the sunglasses, handed a pair to Ally and put her pair on. Without warning, the Author’s Note hit.

Well I guess I should first say that I don't own NCIS:LA or its characters.
Most of my writing has a soundtrack that I listen to as I write. The story isn't written for the songs but the songs go along with the writing like a movie soundtrack. As the soundtrack changes I'll make sure I post the new song. So please try and listen to each while you're reading.
I hope you enjoy reading this, my first fanfiction, as much as I did writing it. Please bear with me as I introduce a new agent and establish her relationship with each team member. It's neede to get the story started and once it is it will move much faster.

“She wins points for the disclaimer, but loses them for misspelling ‘needed’,” Grace said, pulling a notepad and pen from her bag. “You know the canon, so you can write the charges.”
“Fine,” Ally replied, taking the notepad and handing Grace the crowbar, which she shoved into the outside pocket of her bag.
Unfortunately, the author had included lyrics from a song. The song boomed out from empty air, making both agents cover their ears quickly.

Two point three seconds – that was the amount of time it took for anything she saw to imprint itself in her brain in perfect detail. One point seven seconds – the amount of time it took for her to perfectly recall any specific part of that image. 15 years – the time took the government to find out about her "talent" and exploit it.

An undefined figure, vaguely female, appeared near the agents.
“So she has an eidetic memory,” Grace mused. “Big deal. Like, I’m sure any government would consider that to be an asset in an operative, but it doesn’t make you amazing.”
Ally tilted her head, thinking. “I’m not sure what the author meant by this last sentence. Is this Sue fifteen?”
“I don’t have a clue,” Grace replied.

The government had kept her close for many years, using her skills for various missions from undercover in the field, to watching monitors for homeland security. And she hadn't fought their decisions, she had done her duty for her country just as her parents would have expected. But at twenty-eight she began to test the boundaries, and the more she pushed, the more ground she was given, until she had finally requested this transfer along with her ultimatum. That they either transfer her to NCIS under Henrietta Lange or she would be resigning her post effective immediately.

“Oh, good. They defined her age,” Grace said in relief. “By the way, charge her for not capitalising ‘Homeland Security’.

The narration went on to explain that ‘they’ had agreed, due to the problems that would occur if she didn’t.
“Actually, that’s not bad,” Grace said in surprise. “I mean, I never worked for a government agency, but that seems like a plausible response.”
“Doesn’t the ARC count as a government agency?” Ally asked snidely.
“Well, at least in the beginning, it wasn’t- it was less than ten people making it up as they went along. It only got organised in the later years.”

And now here she was in sunny California, sitting in the middle of the room staring at a smart board covered in almost 50 images at a time scanning each for something that might have been missed by the other members of the team.

The world blurred, becoming an unspecified room. The one window looked onto the Hollywood sign.
“It’s ‘SMART’, not ‘smart’,” Grace muttered. “She missed a comma, too. Anyway, which team is this? And who is she?”
Ally was more distracted by the smart board- the misspelling had created a square piece of cardboard with a face. Grace leaned over and picked it up. Around her, the fic realised its mistake and became the NCIS: LA ops room.
“Hello,” the smart board said.
“Hi,” Grace said to it. “What’s E= MC squared?”
“Energy equals mass times acceleration multiplied by itself,” the board replied promptly.
Grace grinned.
“There are no seats in the ops room,” Ally said. “Excepting the chairs Eric and Nell have. And the middle of the room is a table covered by what I think is a giant map. She can’t even get that right?”

The Sue, whose name was apparently ‘Reagan Faraday’, had a short conversation with Hetty, in which Hetty said that the Sue was apparently exactly what she’d expected.

Hetty turned slightly and nodding to the four special agents clustered together outside the room. Reagan felt the sweat begin to bead on her brow. She was surprised at her response to the interrogation that she would soon sit through with the four agents. She had done this before. She'd been interrogated buy much worse than this, but none of them had ever mattered before. None of them had been what she wanted and work for.
"Relax Miss Faraday. They may look tuff but remember, each one of them was the new agent at one time," Hetty placed a hand on her shoulder.

Grace’s fists clenched. “‘Tuff’. The fuck? Who does this Sue think she is, to misspell like that and believe she can get away with it?”
Ally nodded, noting the charge. “Are agents required to be interrogated by their prospective team members?”
“No,” Grace said. “They aren’t. At least, no agency I know says they have to. Usually, people just have job interviews.”

Outside the room, the main characters began discussing the Sue. Their discussion was evidently an excuse for exposition, as they explained the identity of the Sue’s parents and her past, including the fact that she was recruited by ‘the government’ at age 15.

“You know what I love?” Grace asked.
“No, what?”
“She never says which government. I mean, I know we’re supposed to just assume that it’s America, but for all they know, this Sue could be an enemy agent of another government.”
Ally snorted.
“Besides,” Grace said. “Governments don’t recruit people. Government agencies recruit people.”

"She's alone, no family, no friends, not really sure of who she is or where she belongs. Working here gives her a chance to try on different identities, see if one fits," Callen said to no one in particular.
"She lost her parents and their murders were never solved. Going under cover gives her a chance to possibly find her parent's murderers and to hide from them if she was a missed target," Kensi mused.
"Her dad was a Seal. She was raised with a stringent code of honor. She may feel that it's her duty to her father to work NCIS," Sam offered.
Deeks shrugged, "Or she's completely off her rocker just like the rest of us!"

Ally was nodding up until Deeks spoke. Then she gritted her teeth and clenched her fists, before finally spitting, “You fucking Sue, that is not how Deeks talks! Or thinks!”
“I’m an idiot who doesn’t know the canon. Explain it to me,” Grace said.
“The fic’s got an integral part of the characters in what they just said- excepting Deeks. Callen doesn’t have a solid identity, Kensi’s looking for her father’s murderer, and Sam was an ex-SEAL who has a strong sense of honour. But Deeks doesn’t talk like that! He doesn’t think serving your country is an insane thing to do! He was a fucking cop before he became an agent, why would he ever think that?”
She cleared her throat before adding, “And by the way, it’s ‘SEAL’, not ‘Seal’. It’s an acronym.”
In response, a small plush toy dropped out of midair. It was a navy-coloured baby seal.
Grace looked at it. “Aw.” She put it in her bag.

He looked at Reagan and felt that physical jolt all men must experience when they first see her. She was truly exquisite to look at, and her mind was just as fascinating. She was a dangerous combination.

“You. Fucking. Sue.” Ally spat at the still-undefined Sue.
“You know, on behalf of all gay men, asexuals, PPC agents, bisexual women and lesbians, as well as anyone else who doesn’t appreciate Sues, I’m really pissed off,” Grace commented. “And did you note the phrasing? It sounded like a command- you must experience this jolt!”

Hetty introduced the agents to Reagan, and then left with Nate. Outside, she and Nate had a short discussion in which Nate objected to leaving the new agent with the old agents, while Hetty rebutted that if the Sue couldn’t hold her own, she didn’t deserve to be there. The chapter ended shortly afterwards, so Grace opened a portal to the next chapter.

The Sue stared across the room at the agents. The narration noted that anyone else would have been intimidated, but the Sue had been raised otherwise.

"So Miss Faraday, Hetty say's you've found new information on the Hassan case. Can you tell us what you've discovered?"
"Please call me Reagan. And yes I can tell you what I've found. Eric, can you pull up the images for me?"

“Apart from the improper punctuation, I can see a problem,” Grace said. “If she’s an agent, shouldn’t they be calling her ‘Agent Faraday’?”
Ally nodded tersely, still glaring furiously at the Sue.
The Sue explained what she had found, and Callen asked for Eric to leave so he and the others could interrogate the Sue.
“OK, I think It’s time for you to tell me who these people are,” Grace said. “Preferably now.”
Ally unclenched her fists and sighed. “Callen is the team leader. Sam is his best friend and partner. Kensi is a Junior Agent, but very capable. Deeks is the new guy. Eric is their tech head.”
“All right, what are they like?” Grace encouraged.
“Callen is an enigma. He has virtually no personal identity, and spends most of his time looking for clues as to who he is. Sam is very trustworthy and loyal- he used to be a SEAL. Kensi is a tomboy who usually ends up as the sexy distraction. Deeks is the LAPD liason- he’s a cop, but Hetty wants to make him an agent. He tends to joke around a lot. Hetty runs the LA branch of NCIS. She’s smart, connected, knows everyone and can do anything. Eric’s very geeky and has no fashion sense.”
Grace had noted the slight adoration in Ally’s tone. “Kensi’s your Lust Object, yes?”
“Yes,” Ally admitted. “And I’ve seen this before- the Sue’s going to turn her into a total bitch, force her to be an obstacle in the Sue’s path, but the Sue will win her over eventually. It’s so stupid!” she wailed.
Grace patted her on the shoulder sympathetically.

The agents, meanwhile, were attempting to interrogate the Sue, while she psychoanalysed them.
Eventually, Kensi asked how the Sue had managed to find new info in photos they’d looked at for days.

"That is an easy answer. I have hyperthymensia."
"Hyper what?" Deeks asked.
"Hyperthymensia, total recall of autobiographical information. Or information that I have come across personally."
"So you remember everything?" Deeks asked intrigued.
"Not exactly. I remember every day of my life from about the age of 4. Anything that I have personally experienced or encountered visually I can recall perfectly.

“Is that a real condition?” Ally asked, momentarily intrigued.
Grace pulled her laptop from her bag. “Not sure. Give me a second.”
After a minute, she frowned. “Yes and no.”
“Huh?”
“Hyperthymensia doesn’t exist. Hyperthymesia, however, does. The effects match what she said, by the way.”
Ally started writing, glaring vengefully at the page. “She misspells her own fucking condition? Definite charge.”

The Sue, meanwhile was answering the team’s questions. Some, such as ‘why work for NCIS?’ were plausible, but the Sue continued to give non-specific answers to questions she shouldn’t have even considered answering.
At the end of the chapter, the Sue and Callen shook hands before experiencing a jolt of electricity.
“Oh, look. I sense a giant flashing sign that says ‘We’ve Fallen In Love!’” Grace said sarcastically, putting the laptop back into her bag.

Actually Kensi barely acknowledged the shake. Reagan looked hard at the her back as Kensi walked out. She was going to be the biggest stumbling block, and Reagan had to take that down first. There was no way Kensi was going to let another woman usurp her place in the pack order, and right now she was on edge about it happening.

“Oh, fuck that,” Ally spat.
“Kensi isn’t like that?” Grace asked.
“I can see Kensi being self-conscious about the Sue’s looks, or angry at her attitude, but Kensi isn’t like that. Besides, the Sue can’t usurp Kensi’s place. Kensi’s been there longer than she has, and that won’t change.”
Ally kept writing, even more furious.

The following week found them without a lot to do and a lot of time for Reagan to get an idea of what kind of dynamic this group had. So sitting around the 'bull pen' she was able to observe in a casual manner.
Being the new agent and the odd man out Reagan didn't have a desk, and that suited her just fine. She was happier to curl up on the couch and watch the interactions between these new acquaintances of hers.

“I don’t buy that,” Grace said after a second. “They must have cases to work on. Real life doesn’t solve itself after a couple of days. Besides, even if they didn’t have a desk for her at the start, they should be able to get her one quickly.”
“Apparently, she’s mixed up canons,” Ally said with icy calm.
“Oh?”
“The ‘bull pen’ was the name of the space in which the original NCIS team worked. I may be wrong, but I can’t recall anyone on NCIS:LA ever calling their area the bull pen.”

The agents watched the Words as Reagan watched Callen and Sam arguing.
“I can’t stand this bitch,” Ally said after a moment. “She turns Kensi into a Generic Bitch, she won’t use spell-check- but she’s watched the show! This is a really good example of Callen and Sam’s interactions!”
“She could be redeemable,” Grace said. “She hasn’t done anything really bad yet.”
“Oh, I disagree, miss,” the smart board said.
Both agents stared at it.
“Well, you see, miss,” the smart board continued, “this Agent Faraday has apparently not grasped the way the agency works. For instance, her statement that the agents have no cases to work on, and her giving answers to questions that concern secret data would most likely make her unsuitable for recruitment to any agency, which is what I assume you are here for. The little issues are the big problems.” It paused, before adding, “And I also find her inability to spell and punctuate correctly both distasteful and horrifying.”
“I agree with the cardboard,” Ally said immediately.

They continued to watch as Reagan talked with the team, and picked up on the apparent sexual tension between Deeks and Kensi.
“Is that canon?” Grace asked.
Ally thought about it. “Well, sort of. They don’t flirt or anything, but there have been a couple of moments.”
The Sue and Hetty discussed the Sue’s inability to fit in. Hetty suggested that she think of fitting in as simply another assignment.
The chapter ended with Reagan’s internal narration, as she pondered the subject of how to fit in.
“Actually, this makes her seem redeemable,” Grace said. “She does seem like someone who has been on government assignments since she was fifteen.”
The smart board gasped. “Since age fifteen? Ridiculous. I sincerely doubt that any government would put a teenage girl into risky situations as a spy, no matter what she could do. Teenagers are volatile enough without adding on the stress of such an undertaking.”
The smart board, for some reason, sounded like an elderly British man. Grace quite liked his accent.

The next chapter began with the Sue dancing as she recalled her past life, which included hopes of a career in dance.

"Thank you. It's my one great love," she smiled.
Sam felt as if he'd been blasted with sunlight. This smile wasn't one of the calculated, sweet smiles she had been passing off so far as real. This was a smile of pure joy, so blindingly bright and pure that it lit up the whole room. The realness of it took his breath away because Reagan alone was beautiful to behold, but Reagan happy was almost otherworldly.

Ally growled and scribbled down charges.
“One simply cannot ‘smile’ a phrase,” the smart board said acidly. “Besides, this girl seems so wholly artificial that I sincerely doubt that Agent Hanna would be taken in.”
“How do you know his last name?” Ally asked.
“My dear, I was born in this world. I know the people. Might I ask exactly why you two are here?”
Grace and Ally traded looks. Finally, Grace nodded and explained the PPC to the smart board.
“Take me with you when you leave, please,” the smart board requested. “I may not be useful as an agent, but I could be an adviser.”
“We weren’t planning to leave you behind,” Grace reassured it. “By the way, do you have a name?”
“I would prefer to be known as Gaius, after the historian Gaius Suetonius Tranquillus,” Gaius the smart board replied.
“Good, now I can start thinking of you as ‘he’ instead of ‘it’,” Grace said with relief.
“Might I ask your names?” Gaius inquired.
“I’m Grace, and she’s Ally, short for Alison,” Grace replied.
“I see.”

The fic continued. Sam and the Sue had a conversation in which they bonded. Kensi arrived and Sam finally made her explain why she hated the Sue.

"You all treat her like she's going to break. How come you never treated me like that when I was the new agent?"
Sam actually laughed out loud right in Kensi's face, "Come on Kensi, you're one of the smartest girls I know. Would you have let us treat you like we treat Reagan? You were looking to prove yourself the minute you stepped through the door! If we had tried the soft approach with you we would have gotten our asses handed back to us.
"You were ready for a trial by fire. You were up to the task. Reagan, not so much I think. I think she needs to be eased in, more like Dom did."
The mention of Kensi's dead partner had her flinching. He had been killed in the line of duty 2 years ago and it still was a sore subject for them all.
"Well then we don't need another liability," Kensi still wouldn't let up.
"It's not our decision Kens. Hetty made the choice and so far she's been right about each agent she's brought in. Remember how you felt about Deeks when Hetty first brought him in as LAPD liaison?"
A wry smile lifted Kensi's mouth. She had wanted nothing to do with Marty when he had first arrived. He had really rubbed her the wrong way, but there had been a reason for that. One she wasn't willing to discuss with Sam, but it was something she had finally admitted to herself.

“We have a continuity error,” Grace said. “The Sue demanded to be transferred to Hetty’s team, Hetty didn’t bring her in.”
Ally nodded and kept writing.
“Is that canon? The Kensi/Deeks thing?” Grace asked.
“Yes, but it wasn’t that she had feelings for him, it was more ‘my partner’s missing and I don’t want a replacement,” Ally replied. Grace noted that her knuckles were white as she clutched the pen. Clearly, Ally was close to breaking point.
“Who is Nell?” Grace asked.
“Nell is Eric’s partner,” Gaius replied. “Another technological genius, you understand. A very energetic young woman, quite admirable.”

In the next chapter, Kensi attempted to recruit Nell to her side, before finding that she and the Sue were good friends already. The Sue went downstairs, sat in Deeks’ seat, and eventually talked to him.

"Did she do that to you?"
Deeks smiled at the hopeful expression on her face, but shook his head. Seeing the light die he laughed again.
"Nah, it was duct tape on the forehead, and a taser to the arm. Yeah she's a little blood thirsty."

Ally screamed. “You ignorant little motherfucker! Kensi doesn’t taze people! They don’t have Tasers on NCIS:LA! They’ve never even shown a taser! She isn’t bloodthirsty, or jealous, or some Alpha Bitch! You goddamn cu-”
Grace dropped her bag and Gaius, and tackled her partner as Ally began to run toward the Sue.
Ally landed heavily on the ground, with Grace pinning her down.
“Ally,” Grace said in a reasonable tone, “I understand your feelings, and I fully concede that you have a point. I will let you kill the Sue. But you need to restrain your feelings, or I will have to knock you out.” She waited, and then asked in a softer tone, “Do you really want to rant yourself back into FicPsych?”
Ally slumped. “…no…”
“Exactly.”
Grace waited for a second, and got up. She helped Ally up and picked up her bag and Gaius.
“This really does not seem like the Kensi Blye I know,” Gaius observed, tactfully refraining from commenting on Ally’s outburst.
“Could this be a character replacement?” Grace asked curiously.
“Maybe,” Ally said after a second. “Or maybe it’s that Sue-wraith I heard about- ‘Conflictus creatrix’.”
“I beg your pardon, Miss Alison?” Gaius asked.
“It’s a kind of wraith that possesses characters and makes them turn against each other,” Ally explained. “I hope this isn’t like that, because the mission I read about ended with the agents nearly killing each other. Still, they had more than a bit of animosity towards each other, so maybe we won’t be affected.”
“Hopefully,” Grace said nervously.

The fic continued, with Deeks taking the Sue out surfing.
“Is that likely?” Grace asked Gaius.
“Well, Detective Deeks has not done so in what you refer to as canon. I don’t see why he would.”
“But, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to be a surfer, or for him to maybe take a fellow agent out surfing,” Ally added.
“Hmph,” Gaius said.
Unfortunately, the Sue continued to warp Kensi.

"That someone like Kensi would actually sit and let you do this. I mean she's an A-type personality. The last thing they do is break the rules, everything has to be by the book, and yet she'll sit here so you can surf even when you're not supposed to be."

“No, she isn’t!” Gaius spluttered in outrage. “That is a ridiculous claim!”
“Character replacement,” Ally said grimly. “So I get to kill her too.”
“Fine, but after we find the real Kensi,” Grace said firmly. “I don’t want you killing her and only realising that she’s the real Kensi afterwards.”
“Fair enough,” Ally conceded.

Pulling up to the Mission their conversation steered to a less intimate topic. And as they walked into the Mission laughing and joking they didn't have any inkling that danger lurked just around the corner. Reaching the 'bull pen' Deeks sat at his desk while Reagan occupied the couch once again and that is when the both looked up to see a very pissed off Kensi walk in. She pointedly looked at the trail of sand they had left on the floor and their wet hair that could not be concealed. The anger emanating from her was palpable.
"Where the hell were you?" she ignored Reagan and asked Deeks.
"I took Reagan to see LA. She needed some time away from the stress around here."
"She can see LA in her off hours. Hetty's been looking for you both for hours!"
"Okay Kens, chill. We'll go find her. Lay off the caffeine Sunshine."

“Deeks did not call Kensi, or anyone in fact, ‘Sunshine’,” Gaius said icily. “Besides, Kensi has a perfect right to be annoyed. Detective Deeks should not be- I believe the phrase is ‘goofing off’ in work hours. Besides, would they not go home to change first?”
There was one upside, though. Due to the Sue calling HQ ‘Mission’, the Sue was now wearing a nun’s habit, while Deeks wore a monk’s robe.
Grace took a photo with her phone.
After the Sue talked to Eric and Nell, she had a sudden epiphany concerning Deeks’ reasons for taking her surfing in relation to his desire for sex, and promptly yelled at him.
“Again, ridiculous,” Gaius sniffed. “Detective Deeks, despite showing an appreciation of Agent Blye, never once attempted to display his attraction to her.”
“Is it a bad thing that we’re letting a piece of talking cardboard do our jobs for us?” Grace asked Ally quietly.
“Considering that you have almost no knowledge of this world, Miss Grace, I would strongly advise that you leave matters to me and Miss Alison,” Gaius replied.
Hetty informed the team that Deeks would be working on a case for the LAPD for the rest of the week, and Deeks left.

“Can we charge her now?” Ally asked petulantly.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“There’s a mini or two to pick up,” Grace replied. “And we haven’t got to the terrible stuff yet.”
“Terrible? Then what was this?” Ally asked pointedly.
“I know. Believe me, I know.”

The agents and Gaius watched as the fic continued. The Sue and Callen ended up talking and bonding. It was progressing acceptably, until the Sue uttered something that made Grace and Gaius freeze.

"So what about your favorite book?"
"Oh that's easy, Pride and Prejudice. The most romantic story ever written! Mr. Darcy tried so hard to not fall in love with Lizzie, but he just couldn't help it. And what about you?"
“Did she just…”
“Uh huh.”
“What?” Ally asked.
“Pride and Prejudice, while indeed being a romantic novel, does not start as such,” Gaius explained, sounding like an English professor who just found out that one of his students cheated.
“The whole point of the novel is that the characters have to develop before they can have their romance,” Grace explained. “Darcy is blinded by pride, and Elizabeth by prejudice.”
“Right. So it isn’t a love at first sight thing?”
“Quite the opposite,” Gaius assured her.
“I might read it, then,” Ally mused.
“You should,” Grace agreed.

The fic continued, but before the agents could begin to read the Words, Gaius spoke. “Miss Grace? May I offer an opinion?”
“Of course, Gaius,” Grace replied.
“I feel that I simply cannot go through more of this travesty. Can we not end this now?”
“There might be charges to come, though,” Grace pointed out.
“Nevertheless.”
“Well, how about you and Ally stay here, and I’ll go look?” Grace suggested. “I don’t know this canon, so I’ll be fine.”
Ally shrugged. “Go ahead.”
“I believe that might be best. Go with God, and may he steer you safely through.”
Grace took the notepad and pen, opened a portal and stepped through, leaving Ally with Gaius.
“So, Gaius. Why don’t you tell me the plot of Pride and Prejudice?”
“I would be more than happy to. It is set in Regency England…”

Grace returned half an hour later, accompanied by a mini. “Hey, guys. I found a mini.”
The mini was Eric, perfectly identical.
“Mini-agents. Huh,” Ally said.
“This is Erik,” Grace said. "He's a mini-LEO."
“Glad to meet you,” Gaius said solemnly.
“Anyway, I got the charges. She makes up with Kensi, and guess what? It turns out she’s actually part of a secret government program that tried to enhance the genes of human embryos.”
“You mean…”
“Yep. Our Sue is Flinx. Just more Sueish and less whiny.”
Ally pulled the crowbar from Grace’s bag. “Well, she can be as enhanced as she wants. Let’s see how she does against this.”

The agents, Gaius and Erik walked (and were carried) through the portal, into HQ- specifically, the area the Sue called the ‘bull pen’.
Before anyone could ask who they were, Grace stepped up to the Sue. “Reagan Jace Faraday, we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we are here to charge you for the following offences against canon.”
“We charge you with being a Mary Sue,” Ally began. “We charge you for being a good enough author to do better, for replacing Kensi with this bint, for bashing Kensi and bastardising her, for numerous spelling offences, for the misuse of acronyms, for making NCIS agents unprofessional, for creating the mini ‘Erik’ and Gaius the smart board, for misspelling the name of the condition you named your goddamn character for, for being a refugee from a sci-fi novel, for making Deeks a womanising bastard, and for trying to drive a PPC agent insane.”
“The penalty is death,” Grace intoned richly. She opened a portal under Reagan, who vanished without a sound.
“Ally, pass me the CAD.”
Ally passed her the CAD. Grace pointed it at Kensi.

[Agent Kensi Blye, canon. Human female. Character replacement.]

Seconds later, the CAD imploded in a flash of white light, leaving only a pile of white dust in Grace’s hand.
Grace tipped the dust into her pocket and frowned. “You too, then.”
She opened the portal under the character replacement, closed it, and opened it vertically so they could walk through.
Ally gripped the crowbar tightly as they emerged in a warehouse full of files. The Sue and the character replacement were hiding in the back corner, trying not to be seen.
Ally smiled her best slasher smile and approached them. “This is for Kensi, you bitches.”
Grace turned away and covered Gaius’ and Erik’s eyes.
Finally, the dreadful thuds and screams stopped.
“We’d better go,” Ally commented. “They’ll be here soon.”
“Yeah, we need to find Kensi,” Grace agreed.
“She’ll probably be at the ops centre,” Ally suggested. “Why don’t you go neuralyse everyone else?”
“No, we’ll all go,” Grace said firmly.
Five minutes later, the warehouse blew up.

They neuralysed the canons and went up to the ops centre. The side of the table was now the pulsing light of a plot hole.
Grace and Ally, working together, soon had pulled Kensi Blye from the plot hole. The NCIS agent looked dazed and confused. “What’s going on? Who are you?”
Grace hit the button.
FLASH.
“You,” Ally told her, “are Agent Kensi Blye. You won’t remember us at all, and you never knew anyone called Reagan Faraday. Go downstairs and get some coffee.”
Kensi nodded and walked away.
“Can we go now?” Ally pleaded.
Grace opened a portal. “Hell yes.”

Back in the RC, Ally retrieved a small flask from the kitchen and chugged it.
“What’s in that?” Grace asked.
“Bleepocello,” Ally replied.
“Bleeprin and…”
“Limoncello,” Ally supplied.
“Ah.”
“I am going to take a nap. Any interruptions will be thumped.” She strode into the bedroom without further delay.
Grace shrugged, fed the Thereah, unpacked the bags and set Gaius on the desk.
“Miss Grace?” the smart board asked.
“Yes, Gaius?” Grace replied. Beside her, Erik was fiddling with some tools.
“Might I ask what I could do here?”
Grace thought about it. “I’m not really sure, Gaius. You don’t have a body, so you probably can’t be an Agent. You could stay here and advise us, though.”
“Miss Grace, while I am deeply indebted to you and Miss Alison for removing me from that deluge of chaos, I find myself uneasy that the level of insanity she has shown.”
“I can understand that,” Grace said honestly.
“Would you feel offended if I asked to perhaps join another team?”
“No, of course not,” Grace reassured him. “If you want, I’ll ask if anyone wants an advisor.”
“I would be most grateful,” Gaius replied honestly.
Grace pulled a machine away from Erik. “No! No touching. It’s dangerous.”
Erik frowned. “But…”
“I need to test it. You should all move out of the way,” Grace said.
Erik got down from the desk and walked over to the Thereah, who was washing his paws.
Grace put Gaius on the couch, opened the machine and dropped the dust-remains of the CAD into it. “So, what creature will come out of you?”
The machine let out a Bing!
“No, don’t talk to me like that. Cough up.”
The machine ground to a halt and let out a faint buzzing noise.
Grace opened the lid to see three tiny sleeping dragons, one red, one purple and one green. Each was barely the size of her fist.
The red one lifted its head and chirped.
“Are those…” Gaius trailed.
“Mini-dragons,” Grace said. “Oh, fuck me.”
“I’d rather not, thank you,” Gaius replied.
“We’re not keeping them,” Grace said instantly. “I own a rabbit, I’m not keeping carnivores around.”
“Sound decision,” Gaius murmured.
“Dragons,” Grace muttered. “It was just getting simpler, too…”

----
Astral Void: I don't normally write Author Notes that aren't disclaimers, but I just wanted to say that I hate this goddamn Sue and this goddamn author and this whole goddamn fucking fic. I'm not usually this pissed off, chalk it up to my favourite characters getting fucked over by this Sue. And yes, I ship Kensi/Deeks.